30 years ago I experienced a combat experience. This was my only experience and it was intense for short period of time. Others have experiences that go through a long deployment. Either way, it has affected my life. I found out just recently that I could talk about it and so I’ve started late where most deal with it shortly after returning from a deployment. I only say this because it can really change someone’s life. The problem with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) is that it is associated so often with military experiences. Combat is certainly a cause of PTSD but it is not the only cause. Accidents, disasters, physical attacks, and other things can give someone this disorder. Don’t ever forget that just because a person did not experience military conflict doesn’t mean they are not affected by this problem.
Unless you live with PTSD it can be hard to understand why an event from the past can still affect someone now. You may wonder why they just can’t “forget about it,” or get confused when seemingly low-stress situations evoke a strong reaction.
But for people with PTSD their brain actually changes. They don’t need to be told to forget about their trauma, what they need is support and understanding. To find out what else people with PTSD need from their loved ones, some who suffer with PTSD were asked what their family members or friends can do to support them.
Here’s what they had to say:
1. “Don’t assume because I have PTSD I’m mentally weak. I’m actually strong. I have survived.”
2. “Just because I haven’t been to war, doesn’t mean I can’t still have PTSD. Keep that in mind.”
3. “Respect my space when I decline to do something with you I think will trigger me.”
4. “Understand that boundaries are important to me.”
5. “Help me make new memories. Focus on the present and finding joy, while being understanding of your symptoms of PTSD.”
6. “Help me ground. Speak softly. If I ask, don’t touch me. I’m trying to get control of it, but PTSD is a normal reaction to an abnormal trauma.”
7. “Understand this type of thing doesn’t find a solution overnight.”
8. “I’m accepting this as my reality. I’m trying to learn how to work with it instead of against it. Please try to do the same.”
9. “Understand when I don’t want to open up about the trauma I’ve experienced, that doesn’t mean I’m not suffering.”
10. “Try not to minimize my feelings or symptoms. They’re indeed real and not imagined.”
11. “Educate yourself about it.”
12. “Simply listen.”
13. “My PTSD affects every single part of my life. It has changed me and the way I view everything. Support, comfort and compassion is vital.”
14. “Allow me to talk about my past without saying, ‘Stop living in the past.’ A listening ear for the moment is all I need.”
15. “I had a new friend ask me what my triggers were so she could avoid them. She didn’t ask about my traumas out of curiosity, she actually cared and wanted to make sure she doesn’t do or say anything to accidentally trigger me. It was awesome.”
16. “Don’t tell me my coping mechanisms are silly or irrational. If I need to sleep with the lights on to avoid flashbacks, let me. If I need to lay on the floor, don’t question me. Allow me to be the judge of what I need. Let me take the lead on where and how I want your support. It may not makes any sense to you, but for me, it’s everything.”
17. “Understand that some situations are scary. I cannot tell you why. It’s just a feeling. If I am emotionally uncomfortable and need to bail, I am not being a baby.”
18. “Understand that my reactions to you or situations may have nothing to do with what’s going on in the present and everything to do with what happened in my past.”
19. “Believe me.”
PTSD symptoms are divided into four separate clusters, including:
1. Re-experiencing
Re-experiencing, or reliving, the traumatic event includes these symptoms:
• Frequently having upsetting thoughts or memories about a traumatic event
• Having recurrent nightmares
• Acting or feeling as though the traumatic event were happening again, sometimes called a flashback
• Having strong feelings of distress when reminded of the traumatic event
• Being physically responsive, such as experiencing a surge in your heart rate or sweating, when reminded of the traumatic event
2. Avoidance
Actively avoiding people, places, or situations that remind you of the traumatic event includes these symptoms:
• Making an effort to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations about the traumatic event
• Making an effort to avoid places or people that remind you of the traumatic event
• Making sure you're too busy to have time to think about the traumatic event
3. Hyperarousal
Feeling keyed up or on edge, known as hyperarousal, includes these symptoms:
• Having a difficult time falling or staying asleep
• Feeling more irritable or having outbursts of anger
• Having difficulty concentrating
• Feeling constantly on guard or like danger is lurking around every corner
• Being jumpy or easily startled
4. Negative thoughts and beliefs
Thoughts and feelings about yourself and others may become negative and can include these symptoms:
• Having a difficult time remembering important parts of the traumatic event
• A loss of interest in important, once positive, activities
• Feeling distant from others
• Experiencing difficulties having positive feelings, such as happiness or love
• Feeling as though your life may be cut short
If you know someone with PTSD or someone who may not know they have PTSD support them and encourage them to get help.
My situation is mild in comparison to others. But I do recognize that it affects my life and those around me. I’m more aggressive but not violent. I sometimes experience sleep problems or nightmares. None of these things are extreme but one of the reasons for this blog is a little therapeutic for me.
Know that PTSD can be severe and if left unchecked can be dangerous for the sufferer. It can ruin relationships and keep someone in a miserable state. Seeking help is not weak but is a strong, positive choice. This is not an incurable disease. We get better.
As a proponent of self-defense especially with a gun, I am aware that the very act of self-defense can be traumatic. No one should have to go through PTSD but it is a reality of trauma. Be aware3 of this as you train. PTSD is a good reason to practice strong avoidance and de-escalation.
If you know someone who is suffering from PTSD be a help and support to them. You can make a difference.
Semper Paratus
Check 6
Burn
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