What to do if your wife (or girlfriend, significant other, spouse, mother, for this article I will use wife) doesn’t want you to protect your family with a gun?
I have been a gun guy, shooter, hunter, instructor, for many years. The other night I was a possum killer. (A possum had killed a chicken in our coop.) I like guns and they have been my passion for many, many years. A coworker bought a concealed gun and got his license a few years ago. He is former military so he has a little experience and training. His wife is also former military but is liberal in her point of view. So these two were at an impasse and it was effecting their marriage a little. He came to me and asked if I would teach his wife about guns and try to change her view of them. I said I would teach her safety, how guns work, and how to shoot a gun, but as for changing her view, that was up to her.
I’ve read stories or have seen videos where a person (usually a woman) has been taken to the range for the first time and have been treated pretty poorly by spouse/boyfriend, and instructors. I think the last thing we in the gun world should ever do is try to show off, intimidate, or scare a potential shooter. We have enough problems fighting what stupid people do with guns, what uneducated people and politicians say about guns, without ruining another person who is honestly giving shooting a try.
My experience with my co-worker and his wife went like this.
I told them to meet me at the range and I was a half hour early. I set up some simple targets, just 10 inch paper plates. I brought several handguns with me and even a rifle and shotgun.
The guns I brought were a .22 rifle and pistol, a .380 pistol, a few 9mm pistols, a .38 revolver and an AR and a 20 gage shotgun.
I had the pistols in cases in a bag and had the .22 pistol on the shooting rug. The rifles and shotgun were still in the truck.
When they first arrived we sat on some benches and just chatted. I wanted her to know this is not a high stress environment and to be at ease.
I told her a little about my experience not to brag, but to let her I knew what I was talking about.
I then talked about how I teach safety and even brought out my visual aids that I use. I told both of them the 4 safety rules:
1. All guns are always loaded
2. Never point a gun at anything you’re not willing to destroy
3. Keep your finger off the trigger and out of the trigger guard until you have sights on the target
4. Know your target and what’s beyond that target.
I then gave my usual mini-quiz.
Me: We never point a gun at something we’re not willing to destroy because of what rule?
Answer: Number 1
Me: Correct. Why do you think it’s a good idea to know what’s in back of your target?
Answer: Because paper, cardboard, wood, and even some steel, does not stop bullets and you are responsible for every bullet that leaves your weapon.
Little questions along these lines. Throughout the “course” I continue to ask these questions pertaining to the safety rules. It helps people to know why we have the rules and helps them remember them.
I taught a mini lesson on the parts of a gun, and how to hold, and aim. Some of this was a refresher.
I then had them pick up the .22 and pointed out the controls of that particular gun. I had her load the magazine, and then load the gun, all the time reminding her of aiming techniques and safety.
She shot the .22 and was pretty good. I instructed her to press the trigger instead of slapping it. She shot several magazines and we evaluated her shooting. I then brought out the .380 and 9mm’s. We went through the same routine all the while talking about safety and her experience. I asked about her likes and dislikes. This was turning into a fun experience for her. I threw in some funny stories of experiences I’ve had teaching others and my kids. We moved up in caliber and talked about it. She asked how long I’ve carried and why I carry. I answered honestly and as best as I could. I told her about an experience I had where I used my weapon as a defense. She asked what I carried and why.
I then brought out a .22 rifle. She shot that after a little instruction. I then pulled out an AR-15. She was game to shoot anything by then and she liked the AR experience. I then pulled out the shotgun. I had a hand clay pigeon thrower and we played with that a little.
When we finished I asked her what the 4 safety rules were and she knew them. I then asked which gun she would like to carry and she picked a SKKY CPX-2. I asked her if it was because it was turquoise? I was joking and she did laugh.
I asked her if this experience ended up different than she had anticipated. She admitted that she felt different about guns now. I asked why she thought she felt that way now? She said, “Because I’ve been better educated and I had a positive experience.”
I think that this experience speaks volumes. As gun enthusiasts we need to stop being gun snobs. We need to understand that many people are not as acquainted with guns as we are and that we should patiently teach them. The more positive experiences we can give, the more people we can get who are not hysterical about guns. The more people that will be able to look at guns as tools instead of living organisms with a mind of their own.
As instructors we should be actively looking for ways to make our training less stressful, more fun, and more positive. Guns are a serious business and I’m not suggesting we sacrifice any safety but I’ve been to some courses and ranges that are like shooting in Siberia! I love shooting and enjoy it so much. Sometimes I’ve seen instructors that thought I was betraying the brotherhood of nuclear secrets club because I interjected a little humor into shooting! It’s my passion so let me enjoy it! We win friends and recruit advocates if we teach shooting to be serious but fun. Serious with safety but fun with shooting.
Let me mention jargon. I’ve served on military bases my entire adult life and I use a lot of jargon and acronyms. Shooting is similar. It has a lot of jargon that someone on the outside does not understand. I have a shirt that says “Happiness is zero at 300.” The average person doesn’t know what the heck that means! There are many things I know nothing about. I’m just as ignorant on those subjects as some are about guns. I would hope that someone would patiently teach me or at least speak in laymen’s terms for me to understand. We need to cut out that jargon when training or just taking someone to the range for the first time. There’s no need to humiliate them or to show off our expansive knowledge by using slang, jargon, and acronyms. Be clear in your instruction especially concerning safety.
Caliber is one thing that seems to be the “thing” with guys and their girlfriends at the range. Don’t hand a .44 magnum pistol or a 12 gage short barreled shotgun to a 94 pound, 5 foot 3 20 year old girl! If she wants to shoot it you shoot it first and show her. Warn her and make sure she has a good grip on the weapon and it won’t kick into her face! It’s not funny and it’s potentially a danger. Remember the girl who killed her instructor in Vegas with a full auto weapon? Now he is dead and this poor young girl is scarred for life! How stupid can you be? Gun people have no excuse. Actually most people have no excuse.
Most girls and women are better marksman right out of the box than any guy. They are easier to teach and easier to get along with as an instructor. I remember one particular guy who would not stop arguing with me. He paid for this training! I finally told him I was going to stop the course and give him his money back. He finally shut up. It’s not that he was completely wrong either. But there can only be one teacher because it’s not fair to others.
Make sure if you have not been trained as an instructor that you cover everything. Remember safety first. There are many schools of thought here. I like the Gunsite Academy rules because they are precise, short, and easy to remember. The NRA has their rules that are not bad but I feel more difficult to teach and retain when being taught. Their fundamental rules are exactly like Gunsite’s.
Get a hold of a curriculum and change it to meet your needs. If you’ve been taught you can probably teach. But not necessarily. I’ve heard many who have said that family should not teach family. Especially husband with wife. I think this is absurd. Because you are married to someone does not mean you can’t be patient, tolerant, and kind in teaching them to shoot. I think it may not be for everyone, but most couples may need to re-evaluate their communication skills if they can’t go through a session without damaging their relationship. Some men need to swallow their pride, stop trying to impress everyone, and teach without being condescending and a jerk. Our goal is to arm our spouse and make them safe, not feed our stupid egos.
The topics of a very basic course is:
Safety rules
Different guns and actions (usually a semi-auto and a revolver)
How to shoot (grip, stance, aim, recovery)
We need to change the hearts and minds of most people who are anti-gun. Most of them are not just plain stubborn and only want political gain. Most citizens understand that the police, as good and dedicated as they are, will normally not be able to be there in their time of need. I’ve heard some smugly say we don’t need defense in this day and age. These usually comes from people who have never experienced violence or live in a place where there is little violence. They are under the delusion that it can never happen to them or that it doesn’t happen in this country. That is a pretty crazy notion to most law enforcement. They know the truth about how violent the world is. It seems to be getting worse also. Trying to change people will go no where by insulting and berating them. I admit it’s tempting when they say such stupid things. “A clip should not hold more than 10 rounds.” “No one needs a machine gun.” “There are gun show loop holes.” Yes it’s easy to insult their ignorance. But we should resist and try to intelligently educate them. It’s the only way we can win the fight!
Semper Paratus
Check 6
Burn
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