Memorial Day was not very good for me this year. For many people it’s a day off from work or school and I understand that. Until fighting for freedom touches your life directly, it’s hard to understand and remember the sacrifice made. I got an e-mail from a friend of mine. We served together even though we were only brought together by circumstance and training. We fought next to each other and I feel I can trust him with my life, because I have trusted him with my life. He told me about his Memorial Day.
It was not very good. He had a couple phone calls and e-mails that just brought so many hard memories of long lost friends. I work on a DOD base and in my e-mail I received a “Happy Memorial Day” greeting from some higher ranking member who talked about remembering freedom is not free, and other things. I understood what the message was for. But to wish someone a Happy Memorial Day is like seeing someone on the day of their Mother’s funeral and saying “Happy Funeral Day!” My friend was a little bitter about having this day to remember. For most people it is a day to remember those who have paid the ultimate sacrifice. For others it’s a time that dredges up memories that are often buried. I don’t want you to think I’m the crazy vet with the 1000 yard stare. Most of the time I’m a pretty fun guy to be around. I think I’ve replaced some pain with humor as a defense mechanism. My experience was deadly but fairly short in comparison to some military members who go through several tours and deployments. So my 1000 yard stare is more like 2 yards. (see what I said about humor?) But many of my friends have had years of horror and boredom. (Definition of warfare has been said as “Months of boredom punctuated by moments of extreme terror.") So, as their brief brother in arms, I have an understanding of some of their feelings and thoughts. My experience was shots fired in anger. And returning fire. I lost a friend because of about 12 inches. A different trajectory and someone else is writing this. I did first aid on him hoping to heaven his wife and kids would not have to endure those memories on Memorial Day.
But I have good memories also of those I served with. I’m grateful for their friendship and their brotherhood. It’s amazing to me to see how people react and act in a difficult situation. Some of the ones you thought would do well cower in the corner and others step up when you thought they would run.
Memorial Day needs to be a solemn remembrance of the brave Americans who have laid down their lives for the freedom we cherish. Frankly, the mere act of putting on the uniform isn’t heroic. As Americans, we have begun to overuse the word ‘hero‘. I stand by my claim that the real heroes are the men and women who don t come home. Memorial Day is for them.
Actually Memorial Day can be a day celebrating the freedom that many have died to protect. If celebrating our freedom, just remember that for some who were there, the memories are not that sweet.
Here’s a copy of the e-mail I replied to concerning the above “Happy Memorial Day” message:
Ma'am,
I just wanted to comment on your "Happy Memorial Day" wishes. Please take this with all the respect I can give to you for your service and the important job you do. I do not want this to seem a disrespectful or angry comment. It is one I've thought about for the last few days and considered not even sending.
I understand that you were giving your troops thanks and wishing them a good holiday. I think that is needed and great! But please remember that for some Memorial Day is not very happy. I had a message from a good friend of mine where he was struggling with the memory we share of an experience where we lost some friends. He was lamenting on why we have to have a day to remember when we're trying to forget. I know he knows the reason for this day and he would agree it is better to have the day than to forget, for most people. Let's try and remember those who survived the defense of this country and what they live with. Memorial Day is more than time off. I'm also one who hates political correctness. If there was one thing I learned in the military, it was that being clear and concise sometimes ruffles feathers. But I also feel we should be as kind as we can.
Again Ma'am I thank you for your service. Sometimes being in the military feels like just a job, but it is always in defense of all we hold dear.
Thank you,
Semper Paratus
Check 6
Burn
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