Wednesday, March 15, 2017

How To Treat A Stalker

What is a stalker? It is by definition, a person or group who give unwanted or obsessive attention towards another person. Ever have this happen to you?
“The other night I got a call from a close family member. She told me that she has a stalker and she doesn’t know what to do. She’s terrified.
She went on a few dates with this guy and then realized they weren’t compatible so she told him she didn’t want to go out again.
Unfortunately, this guy (like most psychos) didn’t take it very well that she no longer wanted to date him. Even worse, this guy lives in her apartment complex. She started getting texts and calls all of the time such as…
“Where are you going now?”
“I really like that red shirt you’re wearing today”
“How come you’re getting home so late?”
“Who is that guy I just saw with you?”
Those were some of the milder and less threatening messages. But this guy was watching her around her apartment complex and even where she works.
She told me that one night he took it so far that she was sick to her stomach and couldn’t even sleep.
All of this had apparently been happening over a two-week period and my relative also said he’d done this to a previous girl he’d dated in the same complex.”
Ever experience something like this? It doesn’t have to be a woman thing. It can be a couple, a man, or just about anyone.
In the above story, what would you advise the relative?
The number one thing you need to do if you have a stalker is to NEVER respond to them. When you respond to their calls or texts (even if it’s to cuss them out and tell them to go away) in their sick minds they believe it means you like them. After all, if you didn’t like them you wouldn’t have taken the time to message them back. I realize this takes a good deal of restraint but you have to ignore them.
You must be super aware and switch up your routines. Change up your times to go to school, work, or just anywhere as best you can. Change your routes to and from these places too.
Tell everyone you know about the stalker. Most people are embarrassed about a stalker. You need people on your side. You need to tell everyone living around you to keep an eye out for the stalker so other people can be your eyes and can alert you when they come around.
Arm yourself. You must have a way to defend yourself. Most stalkers are harmless losers, but there is the percentage who turn into murderers so you can’t take any chances. If you don’t want to carry a gun find another weapon. Stun gun, pepper spray but make sure you can use it well. If you can find a class on your weapon of choice take it. If not, ask someone who may have training in this weapon for some tips or training. If worse comes to worse, Youtube may have some video on how to use your weapon more effectively.
Know when to call the police. You have to trust your gut and call the police if the stalker doesn’t eventually get bored and go away. In this above story, the relative told the one being stalked to call the police because the stalker crossed the line. The big problem is, calling the police can go one of two ways: First, it can scare stalkers straight and they will leave you alone. Or, it can fuel their fire and make it worse. This is why if you do call the police I recommend going to stay somewhere else for a few days just to be safe.
Forget about restraining orders, they are worthless. If the police can’t scare them straight and make it stop then you may have to move. And, if you don’t want to move then you better be armed at all times and never be walking around with your nose in a phone.
There is no 100% perfect answer for dealing with a stalker and it’s often case by case. But, if you do follow the suggestions above you’ll be in a much better position to keep yourself safe and to get rid of the person stalking you.
At one time we had taken in a friend and her children from an abusive husband. The husband knew some law enforcement and they tried to intimidate his wife and my wife. They did not know who they were messing with. My wife is tough and bold. Then when you get me involved with a deputy trying to intimidate my family? Needless to say, they got run off our property and the cop got a reprimand from his boss. I promised the stalker that if he came onto my property ever again, he would be considered a hostile. It was awkward years later when I met the same deputy friend of the stalker in a class I was teaching… I just smiled at him. Most stalkers are pretty spineless and once they lose what they perceive is power, they cower in the corner. We never had a problem with this guy again.
The following advice is not for very many of you so please take it with the intent it is given. I am a pretty aggressive guy. I’m not a bully and I’m usually pretty laid back. But years of gun training and instructing has made me pretty bold in my “Close and engage” attitude. Once when a guy was trying to intimidate a family member, I turned the tables on him. I began stalking him! Like I said, this is not really the best advice for just anyone. You must be very careful in doing this. Then I confronted the “stalker”, told him what I knew about him, and told him to be careful because I was right there behind him. When he made a mistake and did something wrong or illegal, I would be there. I also made it clear I didn’t want to ever see him near my relative again. When I talked to the guy I borrowed from the Liam Neeson speech in “Taken”:
"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you."
I did not threaten to kill the guy, but I did refer to my military training as “Military skills”. And I did mention the “nightmare” I would bring to him. But veiled threats are never a good legal idea. So take that last advice as pure entertainment... not advice.

Semper Paratus
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